Great Big Apple Slice.

You can feed a whopping big crowd (or one average sized home-schooling family), on this monstrosity. Being somewhat inclined to a pimply complexion, I avoid dairy and cane sugar in all my baking. So if you’re looking to over indulge in a bit of cake, this is a good way to go!

Ingredients

Base.

Approximately 18 apples.

Enough water to simmer apples.

Half a cup of self raising flour.

One table spoon of oil.

Vanilla essence.

Lemon juice.

Optional, cinnamon and dried mixed fruit.

Topping

3 thirds of a cup of oil.

Half a cup of honey.

Lemon juice.

Vanilla essence.

Three eggs.

You need approximately 18 cups of roughly chopped apples. Try and keep the apple slices fairly similar in size so they cook at about the same time.

Unless you are using some bizarrely minuscule brand of apple, I don’t really care what size your apples are. If this sounds horribly vague, relax, New Zealand cooking is hardly Le Cordon Bleu, it’ll turn out fine.

Add just enough water to cook your apples. You may need to skim some out later. Cook your apples long enough to soften but don’t boil until you have a shapeless slop. Unless you happen to like shapeless slop, in which case, boil away. I will not judge you.

When your apples are cooked, leave them on the stove. Skim out any excess water. You want just enough water to mingle with the flour we are about to chuck in. Then again, don’t be too aggressive with your skimming. We want this to be a juicy slice.

Now mix in about half a cup of self raising flour.

Chuck in a table spoon of oil.

A large dash of vanilla.

A large dash of lemon juice.

Continue cooking, stirring to avoid burning.

We are looking for a nice galumphing goop at this point. A sort of lumpy apple porridge.

You will now need a nice huge pan. I use one 39cm by 27cm.

(I did try and convert this into imperial but I stink at maths so I apologise to my friends in that great land across the sea, who got rid of an English King, but kept his measuring system.)

Oil this pan WELL. No piffling little spray bottle, please. Coat the base of the pan in oil. Then dust it heavily with flour. This will form the base of your slice and is considerably better for you than a thick slice of pastry.

At this point you can mix a couple of cups of dried fruit and a bit of cinnamon into the apple mix, if you so desire. I am not overly fond of this variation, but Mum loves it so I do it when she is around.

Tip your apple mixture into the pan. I really do mean tip.

It should come out with a resolute ‘THUMP’ and sit like a mountain that requires squishing. If it oozes out and lies like a calm sea, it is too moist and you need to stiffen it up with a bit of flour.

Now we come to the delicious, cakey topping.

Mix 3 thirds of a cup of oil, with half a cup of honey.

Chuck in a large dash of lemon juice and a large dash of vanilla essence.

Whisk in 3 thirds of a cup of self raising flour. Beat just enough to form a sloppy dough.

Add three eggs and whisk just enough to blend in to the mixture.

Now pour the resulting mixture across your pan full of apple filling. And I really do mean pour. If it is too thick, carefully whisk a little apple juice or water into the mixture to make it more sloppy. But be careful, if you add too much or whisk too hard, it’ll go tough.

Preheat your oven to 220 Celsius. Bake until the top goes golden. This should take about 30 to 45 minutes. Enjoy!

Pictures and writing © R.M. Hamilton.